A B A N D O N E D C A R It was a gift from my youngest brother and was old when he bought it. He drove it around for a couple years before he upgraded and he has upgraded again since. Four years I drove it, never an oil change, never a level check, low on gas the whole time I had it. It saw me half way through a stint in the Naval Reserves, saw me home safely on many stupid drunken nights, saw its tires slashed by a possessive ex-boyfriend, stalked with me the houses of a couple too. Without that car I would not have survived. Now it's parked in the driveway of the new old house off Jefferson Ave. and it will never run again unless someone has the heart or the sentimental grand to revive it. I've discarded it for something new. No longer to be used as the mobility for which it was created but as a metal clubhouse for kids, a place to build a nest for wasps, a dust bed, an object of nostalgia for me. Like this… I was five the first time I was chased around an abandoned car by a six month old puppy. I was seven the first time I hung out in an abandoned car with the boys of the neighborhood; the PonyDown crew. It was me, Damien, Marcus, Dizzy, K'Ron and another girl, Larissa who was fifteen; slow in mind but fast to fuck or so was the word around town. The car sat on flats against the curb out in front of K'Ron's house for years before anyone popped the lock. The teens in the neighborhood piled in, smoked, cussed, told stories, made-out. It was a couple weeks, at least before I was invited to join them. Marcus was a visitor from out of town, a cousin to K'Ron. Like a wolf he spotted me, a babe at dusk, walking alone from a friend's, next door. Dizzy's friends never paid much attention to me but to my surprise Marcus took an immediate interest. "Who is that," Marcus asked. "Tell her to come here." Diz on the front passenger side rolled down the window. I walked over, shy, all the big kids starring at me. "Cash," I said. "Man, let me talk to her," Marcus begged. "You stupid man." "So, Cash, like I was sayin, what you doing?" "Eight." I didn't want him to think I was too young. "You ain't no eight, you seven, why you lying," Dizzy fired at me. "Shut up Diz. You don't know how old I'm am. I'm am eight. You can go in there and ask my momma." "Yo momma ain't here and I don't gotta ask yo momma, you only seven years old, so stop lying" Dizzy said. "Man, look," Marcus said, "wait, get in the car." He opened the back door and got out to let me in. Dizzy yelled back in her direction, "Man, I told her but she hard-headed." _________________________
We had fought. It had been two weeks. Two weeks of defying myself not to call him. Two weeks of lying alone in my bed moistening the seats of my panties. Two weeks without any pole sliding in and out of my hungry holes. Walking around my empty apartment with my nipples balled up like marbles, my asshole pouting and my other two holes dripping wet. Every now and then while watching a late movie or frying eggs, I'd let out a little moan or catch myself drooling down the front of my shirt. It was for him. I could still smell him around my lips. By the end of the 14th day, I couldn't deny him. I had to call and beg for his forgiveness. I'd considered threatening to slice my wrist if the begging didn't work. I'd seen it twice in movies. It had proven to be an effective temporary tactic. I hoped it wouldn't come to that but I had to have him and it seemed the longer I held out the stronger the urge became. He answered back "I like you. I don't like the games you play" He grabbed his dick and shoved it deep inside my pussy. I gasped and trembled all over. Instantly, my body began to sweat. I started to cry inside and curse God. He felt so good inside me I would have sold my soul if he'd wanted. He let out some long grunts as he held me close and tight and forced his huge dick in and out of my body. I was in another world as he moved me. In a trance while he controlled me. He pulled down the front of my top and licked on my jutting nipples, bringing me back to life. I ground my hips on him until I found a spot where his dick fit perfectly. I rocked on that spot for a while, loving the way the head met with my walls and the shaft massaged a warm groove in me like a path to contentment. I had a thought in my head that I could live this way forever OR I could die in that moment and not regret a thing that had happened prior. He picked me up and laid me in the bed. The seconds were too long before he was inside me again, this time, just, stuffing me with sparks of magic, like shots from God. Repeated punches of pleasure until I could feel it swelling on one side, like the sting from a honey bee. I began to tingle just a tiny bit on my left side and it grew like a sneeze in slow motion and in less than ten seconds, fewer than five shots, it took over me, it had consumed me so that I could not control it if I'd wanted to. But I didn't want to. I submitted to the magic. I vowed every conscious part of my being to it; my toenails, my knee caps, my armpits, the hair on my head, and everything in between. We had experienced it together and afterwards there was a glow of wonderment that surrounded us.
That old red car got me from 
I slept in that car a week.
That old car was my only accompaniment in the new state apart from a couple of persistent spirits and handful of angels I encountered once I arrived.
Smoking and putting and overheating when I drove it last, I look at it now and it reminds me of any old abandoned thing, no longer useful to anyone except those who would use it for things other than that which it was intended.
"That's Cash, man, that's my cousin," Dizzy told him.
"How old is she?"
"She seven, man."
"For what? She don't need to come over here," Dizzy said.
"I just wanna talk to her," Marcus promised.
"Naw, man, that's my little cousin."
"Man, just tell her to come here for a second. I ain't gon do nothin to her."
"A, Cash, come here for a second."
"A, you cute, what's your name?"
"Man, I just told you her name, you heard me call her over here," Dizzy said, the other kids laughing.
"Shut up man, let me talk to her."
At that the big kids cracked up laughing. Dizzy to the other kids, "He stupid. Man, K'Ron, your boy stupid."
Marcus, tried his best to ignore the crew. He continued working on me, "How old are you?"
I squeezed in between him and Larissa with Damien against the back driver side door.
There was a heavy thickness to the air that was hot and pubescent. A cacophony of smells: K'Ron's dank, soap writhing skin afroth with heat and sweat; the towny sophistication of Marcus' peppermint breath; Larissa's naked agape thighs; Dizzy's sick feet rotting in those dirty, secondhand shoes; Damien's fingertips exactly like Larissa's thighs and my own disloyal heart pumping out the smell of fear.
My skin crept. I knew I was craven; a motherless child; a glowing soul in a black box of thirsty vampires.
Larissa's spikey-haired leg pressed tight against mine was enough to coat my aura with a thin slimy funk and the communication was clear; I'm a part of this hood. Great expectations, high-stakes, threats and bets made good. They want me to anti up. I felt that to stay would be an unfortunate gamble but I couldn't leave so soon. I was under obligation.
I had been a callow calf. Now, I'm surrounded by foxes.
But my aunt sees me, and she calls me home. From her angelic perch she saves me. "Cash, get yo fast ass outta there and get in here. You ain't got no business out there. Diz you keep her outta there."
But Diz, you were wrong, man. I was then as I am always happy to escape with my mind still like soft new clay.
SPARKS OF MAGIC
It began with a text message. I decided to cut straight to the point. "Hey, do you still like me?"
This was my in. I text-ed him back "I'm coming over. I'll be there at 10" He said okay.
I had imagined it. Now, it was time to put it into play; a black halter top, a black mini-skirt, black heels, my hair up in a teasing ponytail.
When I got to his apartment he buzzed me in. To the third floor, I raced up the stairs, feeling the cool air on my naked bottom. I knocked on the door. It was slightly opened. I went inside. He was sitting on the bed. I went to him, dropped to my knees. "I'm sorry." I said. He kissed me. His mouth was so wet and sweet. He ripped the band from my ponytail and gripped my hair hard by the roots as he forced his tongue around my mouth. I took his bone stiff dick out of his shorts and licked it up and down then sucked on it while licking it at the same time then sucked it some more, imagining I could siphon some juice from it. I could feel his hot flesh beating against my tongue as I tried to swallow him, the whole thing, I knew it could never fit down my throat but I had to try.
"Help me" I told him. I sucked him, moaning for his cum in my stomach, I can never get enough of him in me at one time. "Do it baby, please" I begged. He palmed my head and forced it down, pushing his thick dick deep into my esophagus. I wanted to swallow all of him. I tried to force him deeper down my throat but I became dizzy. He pulled his dick out and I gasped for air. "Are you alright?" He asked. "Yes. I'm good".
He picked me up and sat me on his lap. He pulled my skirt up and rubbed his thumb around my swollen, wet clitoris, then put the thumb in my mouth and kissed me hard.
I gave everything, even my mind, for in fifteen seconds of my life, I exist only in a bubble of satisfaction, where no one's searching for the meaning of life because nothing matters or makes any sense, like swallowing the moment of your own birth.
It was a feeling not like happiness but like bliss. A pontificated panacea and I can't help but shout out to the congregation.
We gave it all away to whatever force had claimed it.
I felt we owed something to God. Sadly, nothing seemed appropriate so we just smiled, knowing that the sun too would continually rise and set; a kind of bittersweet forbearance.
